Wayward

It is getting to be time to organize my life in anticipation of several weeks of recovery after surgery. I spend a lot of time writing out instructions on how to live my life. When to pay bills. What pills to take. What medical supplies to order. I revise and update crucial documents, slide them into a folder in my filing cabinet. Every important thing about me reduced to some typed words on so many pages.

I can’t be alone for weeks after surgery. The risk of anaphylaxis is too high. One of my best friends took charge of arranging who will stay with me, when and for how long. I have known most of my close friends for the majority of my life. We grew up together, and will grow old together. We have shared so much, all the ebbs and flows of time. And now I’m sick, and we share that.

It is so much to take care of someone like me, with all of my complications. It is something that can only be done out of the most selfless kind of love. When I told my friends that I would need surgery again, they immediately volunteered their time and energy to help me. It is painful to see how readily they offer to be with me during the hardest times of my life.   It makes me feel so much love that I don’t think my heart can take it.

I found some old pictures yesterday, a whole bunch of us in face paint and costumes half a life time ago. It is hard to believe that we were ever so young. It is hard to believe these are the same people who show up over and over to remind me that I am loved. They put me back together, every time.

I have been so fortunate to have people who love me to the point of bending their entire lives to work around the ill fit of my disease. There is no one in the world luckier than me.

When I first got sick, I could never have imagined it would go on so long. I could never have imagined that I would live this way forever. I could never have imagined all the ways I would be made strong by these people.

I didn’t choose this wayward path. But since I am on it, I couldn’t have found a better group of people to travel it with.

2 Responses

  1. Michele Palley March 11, 2015 / 1:07 am

    Praying for you sweet lady! I was with my best friend since childhood today helping take care of her dad who is a pseudo dad to me…I completely relate. Nothing better then friends who become family. Wish I lived closer by so I could cook you some yummy GF safe food while you are healing. Hope they all spoil you and you get well real soon!

  2. Lucy March 11, 2015 / 9:51 am

    Praying for medical staff and you.

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